me….blurred and confused

it has been so long, in fact it has been more than 6 months since the last time i blogged here. and yeah…i’ve been busy, with life, studies, sife, friends, work, and a lot of things. but i know, it’s just a matter of whether i want to write or not kan.kalau dah memang malas tuh, nak buat camne. so, my final semester in uitm was great, everything went well(last minute group work, last minute study, skipped classes…same ol’ me)so now, i should say my buhbye to uitm lah kot, it’s time for me to spread my filthy, unhealthy wings and at least find the cure to the illness (amenda lah aku merepek..crap)

so, did i tell you guys about the SIFE National Competition?no?i’m proud to say that uitm won again, for the 4th consecutive years, this time defeating uniten and ukm in the final. another thing that i’m proud of, is that the fact that the other two teams were led by my internship friends; fea, aza, feroz, shikin and zulia. so, who said that going to america brings no good to us? and the fact that this year’s team is a whole new breed, far greater than before, in terms of numbers, quality and members, makes me feel even better. i think we have finally proved to some people, that we can do it on our own, and it’s worth trying, no matter how shallow one could be. so, next agenda?? paris…..the city of romance, and also the city that will kikis your money,hahahaha. anyone can help me to get sponsors for my team?? we want to bring the most we can, because it’s teamwork that strengthens SIFE UiTM, not the presenters. So, who said that presenters are everything again? SIFE UiTM in a word - FAMILY.open your dictionary peeps, dig it.see what it means….

I know i’m damn slow, even the snails are faster than i am, but heck….i was busy recuperating and hell, it wasn’t easy. i’m sure as hell don’t wanna talk bout them, hahahaha. nway, the purpose of me writing this is…….sharing my thoughts and insights on the year 2005. a very meaningful year, and a year i really hoped not to end this fast. a lot of magnificient and wonderful things happened to me plus some erratic and unfortunate encounters, but what’s life without challenges eh.

Last year, i embarked on a journey of my life, discovering new potentials, new people, new life, new best friends and new surroundings. i never knew that my chilhood dream would be achieved in 2005. and yes, i’m talking about the US trip. it’s a trip i won’t ever forget, and i’m glad i went through it. i’ll spare the details, coz i know, some of you might as well be bored of it. and then i had the chance to go to toronto, to follow and support my beloved teammembers on our quest to bring back the world cup to our land. eventho the mission failed, we learned important lessons, lessons we won’t be able to learn somewhere else. during every trip, i made new close friends and lost some old ones. some i really wish not to, but whatever’s done, is done. i’m not able to turn back time, and even tho i want to do it so much, in the end i wont. coz that’s what makes life so interesting and …..alive.anyway, i’m hoping to mend some broken relationships, but it won’t happen with just me hoping for it, coz a relationship consists of two parties….

my new year’s resolutions???well, to be exact, i don’t have any…..just that i want to graduate with attitude, improve my cgpa, find a good, high paying job (i hate the fact that i have a contract….shit) and just be myself. and i want to go travel again this year, probably not that far, maybe exploring asia. but still i made promises with some friends, and i’ll keep them, dun worry bout that. just that i need to find some money to finance them.

i really2 need to go coz i’m meeting up with somebody. so i guess this is it for now. hope that i won’t be busy to write again. and most probably i’m going to start a new blog. for all friends and foes, near and far, Happy New Year. May this year bring you a lot of happiness.

quoting my friend…….’ how can mundane be associated with stressful?’ well, the truth is, hell i don’t know, but then that’s what i’m feeling right now. and at this point of life pulak, time tulah nak ada sore throat and blocked nose. bloody hell…nway, may be i was the one looking for trouble. too eager to show that i’m not as ordinary as others, which is perfectly stupid, muahahaha.

i have been doing so much thinking on my life lately, and still i cannot find the purpose of me doing the things that i’m doing. sounds stupid and confusing?? well, that’s the main reason in the first place. i thought that i made the right decisions so far, i mean those concerning my life and future but then, when i take a peek back and look way beyond it, somehow i think i made mistakes, a lot of them. and these mistakes are not easily amendable especially when after a lot of efforts have been put into it. ntah ar, sometimes i get bored with my life because it is just too typical and mundane. i know i have to be the one iniatiating it, but hell i’m not particularly sure i’m doing the right thing after all these years.

       ‘the strong take from the weak, but the smart take from the strong ‘

‘a good friend stands in harm’s way the second u ask, but a great friend does it without being asked’                                                           -the rule of four-

does it rings any bell?

can’t wait!!!!got exactly 5 hours and a half before the show. plus gonna see it with a lot of frens, best siollll!!!! it would be better if more people could come anyway, but i know having an exam with tons to read would be burdensome, hehehe. next time lahh ye kawan2 yang lain. good luck skali lagi for the remaining papers eh. to the rest, let’s rock tonite’s show.

bubbye peeps…..

been happy these few days.

*looking at the ceiling, smiling*

*smiling summore while looking at the white walls*

angau laaaahhh….hahahaha

can’t wait to go to work, just to see that face.hahahaha. not that i like my work now ehh.

yesterday went to feroz’s for open house. good to see those familiar faces again. buat havoc lagi kat rumah orang, muahahaha. btw, icky was damn late. tido jek keja, apa laaa…nite before that went to see kak nurul with imran. we terrorized her room, looking for souvenirs from new york…again. hahahaha. baru jek balik, nak souvenir lagi. got a bag of chocolate and cap. never thot gonna see her in malaysia, but unfortunately abang said cudn’t come, if not it will be better. must spend more time with her after this lahh, well i guess it’s time for me to do what she had done for us while we are staying at her place in new york kan?? so kak nurul, let’s jalan tilll rebah *laughing*

we are gonna watch harry potter’s premier show in mid valley this thursday. the first collaboration project of the SIFE BII interns *imagining smirks in people’s faces*. kawan2, can’t wait to see y’all there. and if ada orang lain wants to come, you’re invited too. let us know k….the more the merrier. it’s hari raya and festives season maa, let’s have a happy one. put aside all those bad feelings and i’m-so-gonna-kick-his-ass-one-day attitude. move on…..

got to check my laundry lahh, or not kakak kedai will get angry with me.

got some quotes to share, actually tengah bosan. some of these quote were cited live in front of me, hahaha.

’sometimes you got to do what you don’t want to do to get what you want to get done’-hahah, letih nak cakap menatang alah nih, by bob noble of noble communications

‘will the boy you were, be proud of what you are’-prof. timothy scales, indiana u, the ebay guy, muahahaha.

‘life is a great theatre and the eye is the best pupil’ - also by bob noble

‘how big do you have to get before you get bad’-old saying

‘If Allah helps you, none can overcome you, If He forsakes you, who is there after you?In Allah then, let the believers put their faith’-a friend of a famous director, anonymous

i came across this when i was searching for something inside my old diary…think it is particularly sweet and meaningful

May there always be work for your hands to do,

May your purse always hold a coin or two,

May the sun always shine on your windowpane,

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain,

May the hands of a friend always be near you,

May god fill your heart with gladness to cheer you…

It’s an irish friendship charm if i’m not mistaken….so i dedicate this to all friends out there, you guys are gifts from god.

Watched just like heaven yesterday with a dear friend. Isk, you may want to watch this movie coz it’s sweet and teach you how to appreciate love, hahahaha. should be added to your ‘guide to love’ thing. reese witherspoon is charming and beautiful….as ever.

How’s everyone’s raya going???mine? sucks, coz me, with the rest of my nucleus family ended up sleeping after visiting grandma till dusk. there goes my hari raya celebration, atas katil….hahahahaha. guess that’s what happen when you are anti-social huhh??

nway, open house anyone??so far, got two invites, but hell no, they are not enough. it’s hari raya maaa, time to eat till you can’t move like ular sawa dalam longkang….ermm, what kind of thing am i refering to eh???

harry potter and the goblet of fire is about to be released this fall, i mean on november 17th. so anyone’s up for it?? as a hardcore fan of hermione granger, the wise witch, i’ll definitely want to watch it asap. i also want to see the aura of the veela on fleur…..shitt, i’m a potter maniac!!!!

i know it’s a bit late to say this.but da vinci code rocks mann!!!love it…thanx mildred for the book. been so busy….skang baru dapat baca, hahaha. i recommend angel and demons and da vinci to avid readers out there. you’re not gonna regret it.(eventho macam aku sorang jek yang baru baca…*sheepish smile*)

i’m supposed to work today (that was why i’m still here today, or else i might be wandering around ipoh now, aimlessly), but due to heavy head, and ……..ntah, tak tau nak bagi alasan apa dah, i skipped work today. luckily the secretary didn’t call me, not until this point of time for sure. got a lot of work to do but really in  festival mood right now. not that i can’t hardly wait for hari raya, just can’t wait to spend the holiday lazying around. so officially, i declare that i’m on holiday oredi, hahahaha.

spent last nite with few people. some very unexpected. btw, let me first thank faisal, carl and zaza for the suprise birthday wish tuh. really appreciate it dude. eventho’ it was a small thing kan, with that small cupcake, but i am personally touched siott. with the beautiful klcc fountain in front of my eyes, and the song beautiful maria in the background, and two princesses at my side, then suddenly came this figure with a cupcake singing the birthday song for me!!!hahahaha. thank you people!!! and also million thanks to all the people who wished me today.don’t know what to say…..

been spending my day reading people’s blogs. some really caught my attention, but since i’m not good in expressing my opinions, not gonna give any review on that. nway, thanx isk for the poem, a good one from a psychopath like you, hahaha. nak pinjam 100 girls!! the way you talked bout it make it something really hard to miss, but you better make sure that it’s worth it eh.

been analyzing myself lately. the way people looked at me make me feel like i’m an obnoxious and demented guy. am i???salah ke if i wanna help some friends, and salah ke if wanna say what i think is right???it is like i’m not able to make sound judegement on everything happening around me,and always misinterpret what people say. too bad for my brain man, coz it will contribute to a severe brain damage.i consider myself as thoughtful so i think wayy too much than what i should.

feel like sitting on top of a boiling cauldron, with snow flakes all over me….hahaha

everybody has gone back oredi. me???well, since i have to work on monday, so i guess i’ll just have to wait till deepavali. life has been hectic, no time to spend with people around me, kalau ada ahh, since semua dah balik kampong. farid and ralph just left this morning, leaving me behind with s.alam people.but, come to think about it, i might be bored to death oso, if i go back early pon. at least i can see a lot of familiar faces in s.alam like zamil and faisal, hahaha. btol tak dude??

got few outstanding works to do. washington’s essay, my senior’s bank summary, mailing and calling few important people in my life and tah apa2 lagi lah. just hope to finish all these before i go back for raya holiday. balik raya, got to wait for my manager’s order on some outstanding matters with the client. jangan aku luapa nak follow up sudah, hahaha. i’m that damn forgetful man, probably makan banyak sangat semut.

so, what’s up for raya???me?? nothing in particular. don’t even buy any new clothes pon. coz i’m broke. damn it!! it is with my great pleasure that i declare myself as bankrupt, unofficially.muahaha. total money is in deficit, got too many outstanding debts with friends alike. how to pay ehh???anyone, gimme some idea puhlezzz….

ermmm, what else to say eh??? okeh, since hari raya is approaching, and as the blessed month in Islam is coming to an end, i would like to wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin. To all friends across Malaysia and the world(if you guys read this damn blog, which for sure not) mintak maaf from ujung rambut to ujung kaki. halalkan makan minum eh. this is applicable to all races, not just malay eh. Remember the first time i said this in public was 5 years ago, the final raya celebration at my school. many sunk in their emotion, including me. yelahh, how could we easily forget whatever happened between us???five years is not a short period.

to those people that have helped me a lot, thanx for making my dimly lit world much brighter….glad to have you guys around laahh.

                    what we do in life, echoes in eternity….

Quote of the day….

        ‘and at least i know one honest voice can speak louder than a crowd’

leteyh ar……

somehow working world is just too far beyond my imagination. and i hate to admit this, but i’m damn missing my campus life. keja tak bley nak ponteng maa, and while studying you can always ponteng up to the 20% reserved for you, wakaka. actually got no idea on what to write right now.

btw, zulia….nak order barang. tolong beli ehhh. made in london punya, hahaha.and we’ll surely organize the next gathering and open house without you, it’s gonna be a whole lot of fun!!

my emotional state is getting better and better each day, after those pathethic and traumatic weeks. life must go on. thanx to zamil, kam,aza, deena, faisal nad sesapa jelahh yang aku lupa nak mention. ur advises and helps is very much appreciated.

currently thinking that i should expand my network. just need to work on how and who.got some people in my list. really should start building network now. or else i might start my working life with a very unfortunate amount of salary. i wanna be rich quick laaaa. dah bosan hidup miskin and kena buli ngan anak orang kaya. muahaha. but, dun worry. won’t lower my standard by playing the stupid get-rich-quick schemes or pyramid mumbo-jumbo. the least that i could do is rob the bank of zurich…..

dah mengarut abes aku nih. btw, rakin. thanx for the testi ehh. tulah sape suruh mendiamkan diri???everybody was looking for you. we missed you that much dude, hahaha. i’ll pay you back your money later k. whenever we meet…

zamil is talking crap….pukul 1 pg mengarut. ingatkan dah tido. really can’t wait to end my internship in kpmg. not that i dislike kpmg or anything, but just don’t like working world. but i’m up for new challenges. like coin operated photostat machine, btol tak zamil???

oklahh, running out of idea coz my mind is like floating somewhere in the mid air. till then…….

               Grant me strength to accept those things i cannot change